Not Alone
by Sth10
Summary: John Cooper thought he could trust Jessica Tang but when she betrays him at a time when he needs her the most, he finds unexpected support in the person whose friendship he believed lost forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Characters not mine, never will be mine, but I'm in huge admiration of the Southland writers. What an amazing job they do. Some artistic licence taken here but hopefully not too much.

**NOT ALONE**

Neither of them was looking for trouble. Their watch was nearly at an end and, with early evening drawing in, they were parked up, playing a trashy game of I-Spy as they watched the fiery orange sun begin to set over LA.

"Hooker," John Cooper guessed in response to his partner's 'H' challenge.

"Nope," Jessica Tang grinned, confident in her choice. "Waaaay too obvious."

"Heroin."

"Nope."

"Herpes."

"Coop, where the hell do you see herpes?"

Cooper pointed a finger at the forty-year-old prostitute in the denim skirt, leaning back against a convenient wall in what she clearly thought was an enticing pose. "Right there."

"Still wrong."

"Damn." He thought for a moment. "Hydrant?"

"I thought we were playing Trash I-Spy. How is a fire hydrant trashy?"

"You just love playing God, don't you?" He couldn't help but grin. They'd been partners for a while now; he had come to relax around Jessica, enjoy her company. She was sharp and ballsy and good for a laugh. He valued her as a friend, occasionally went drinking with her, allowed her to drag him round every Asian culinary hotspot in North LA.

But, man, she was a pain in the ass to play I-Spy with.

"Give up?" she crowed.

"Hell no!" He looked around for inspiration, eyes landing on an empty bourbon bottle lying on the kerb. "Hennessey?"

"Shit! How the hell did you guess that?" Tang scowled ferociously as Cooper whooped in delight.

He held out one big hand for his winnings, waggling it under her nose to annoy her. She slapped five bucks into his palm as hard as she could.

"My turn," he announced, pocketing the bill before she could snatch it back again. "Your letter is...R."

"Rat," she said confidently.

"Also too obvious."

"Retard?"

"We can't use that poor hooker over there for every example."

"Rocket-propelled grenade launcher."

Cooper nearly choked with laughter. "Yeah, we got lots of them round here."

"Sure we do, they're just hidden."

"Wrong, regardless."

Tang's face lit up as a call for officer assistance came through. "Radio!"

"Trashy I-spy," Cooper reminded her. "Your rules." He grabbed his lapel mike, having not been paying attention to the information. "A-57, we're on it. Repeat location, please."

"I know the location." Being a woman, Jessica had that incredible ability to concentrate on two things at once. She coaxed the engine into starting and pulled the car away from the kerb. "Kid being assaulted on the Cartmel playground."

"You know what territory that is. It'll be a mini-banger getting jumped in."

"Give you a chance to see some great tattoos, then." Tang seemed to be concentrating on the traffic for a moment as they passed a kerbside vegetable stand. "Radish!"

Cooper shot her a confused look. "Radishes are trashy?"

She gave him a wink and a wicked grin. "You clearly have no idea what you can do with a radish."

"What woman can do?" He smiled, comfortable enough with Jessica for this sort of banter. "Not as if I'm likely to find out about that."

"I figure I could turn you if I wanted, Coop.

"Feel free to try," he laughed.

"You're not Asian. My mom would kill me."

"Sensible lady, your mom."

Jessica swung the car around a tight corner, switching off the strobe lights so as not to draw early attention. "You ready to bail?"

Cooper threw off his seatbelt and moved against the door, steadying himself to jump out the moment Tang stopped the car. No doubt the victim would try to run as well as the aggressor. If he got lucky and caught them by surprise, he might be able to tackle both of them until Jessica could join in the fun.

He spotted them immediately. One was young, not even out of junior high; the other in his mid-teens, wearing his gang colours with pride over a body that was just beginning to respond to weight training. No homeboys were watching, telling Cooper this wasn't a jump-in. Initiation beatings didn't happen without a baying audience eager to see blood being spilt.

No weapons either. The teenager seemed happy to use his sizeable fists; he was a big kid, naturally built like a running back, long and lean and strong. A product of the urban jungle he had been raised in. He would be hardened, mean and he wouldn't be afraid of pain; he would have already known too much in his young life. Cooper weighed him up, decided the kid would move like a cheetah if he had the chance to get going.

It wasn't so much an assault as a full-on fight. The younger kid was clearly losing but they were both on the ground and both were punching as hard as they could. Cooper seized his chance, threw open his door and hurled himself out. He didn't bother to shout his presence but the swift movement had caught the teen's attention.

In a second, he was on his feet and running. Cooper had been right; he had the speed and power of a savannah cat. The younger kid was also up in a second and sprinting in the other direction.

"LAPD!" he yelled as he took off in pursuit of the teenager, just in case the dumbass didn't understand what the uniform signified. "Stop now!"

Of course, that only made the kid put on a burst of pace that Cooper would have given wholehearted admiration on the football field. Jeez, if this punk ever got to graduate high school, lived long enough to reach eighteen, he would have college scouts queuing up for him.

As it was, however, there was no time for admiration. Cooper was not built for speed; Sherman had always been the whippet who could outsprint almost anyone. Cooper was the battering ram who broke down the doors and crushed peoples' ribs in bone-jarring tackles.

The kid hurdled the fence, hit the street and was off. Cooper cleared the fence easily and followed him. He could see the rear lights of the cruiser barrelling around the block ahead of them; Jessica had clearly taken off after the younger kid. He didn't like her going off without him to back her up but he could hear her calling for assistance over the radio.

Reassured his partner was safe and wouldn't be on her own for much longer, he charged on after the fleeing teenager. One block was covered at full pace and the damn punk showed no sign of tiring. Cooper cursed idiot teenagers and their stupid mothers for giving birth to them in the first place.

A screech of rubber alongside him announced the arrival of other units. Sherman spilled out of the car and Sammy sped off again immediately, presumably in pursuit of Tang and her suspect. Cooper didn't bother to slow or look back but he could hear the thud of Sherman's boots closing in behind him.

"Hey, John!" Ben caught up with annoying ease before lengthening his effortless stride and going past his ex TO.

Cooper was breathing too hard to swear so he just threw one of his legendary looks at the young officer. From somewhere he found another burst of speed and managed to get into pace with Sherman.

The kid was now seriously freaked out at the sound of two pairs of heavy feet chasing him. He swerved left, down one of the alleyways.

"Shit, he's goin' for the tyre factory," Cooper panted.

"What?"

"Got closed down last year, fuckin' place is abandoned. Loads of places for the little shit to hide himself."

Sure enough, the kid headed straight for the wire fence and hurtled over it with annoying agility. Cooper sprang up and vaulted it with one big hand, wishing he had enough time to be amused by Sherman's uncoordinated scramble.

He was less amused when Sherman's sprint start left him standing. Now also cursing P1s who were more like Labrador puppies than respectable police officers, Cooper took off after him.

They were inside the abandoned building, a cavernous hulk filled with the kind of detritus that factory owners never saw fit to dispose of. The teenager had gone for height advantage, running along the metal walkway platforms that criss-crossed the factory to provide a first-floor level.

Sherman shot up the ladder first, running the length of the walkway, yelling for the kid to stop. Cooper took the steps at the other end of the floor, ready to cut him off. Trapped, the kid skidded to a halt. Ran down another length of platform that led to nothing but a ladder than had lost its lower half, coming to an end in midair.

Cooper lunged forward and, even with his long arms, missed. Landed flat on his face. Saw Sherman spring from behind, pouncing on the kid.

The kid jumped. Landed easily, dropped a shoulder, rolled to take the impact. Back on his feet in a second, running for the exit. Goddamn little parkour shithead.

Ben slid, swiping at thin air, helpless to stop his momentum. Went over the end of the platform. Lunged for the ladder, got hold with one hand. Swung wildly in mid-air, unable to get a foot up to secure himself.

Cooper didn't hesitate.

X X X

Sherman tried to prevent himself from yelling out.

He was losing his grip. His sweaty fingers couldn't keep hold of the slippery metal. He was about to plunge to the concrete floor below. Images of a smashed skull, broken neck, flashed in his mind. He struck out, scrabbling desperately for a grip.

Then a hard, strong arm was around him and suddenly he wasn't falling anymore.

"Ben, quit struggling! I got you."

Sherman's brain instinctively reacted to the voice that had always given reassurance and security. He stopped fighting, even though he was gripping the rock-solid bicep with both hands as tightly as he could. He found he couldn't draw enough breath into his lungs to yell.

"I got you," Cooper repeated.

And that old belief was telling Sherman that as long as John Cooper was there, no harm could come to him.

X X X

Cooper was wishing he'd had time to take off his belt before saving the boot from certain death. The damn teargas canister was digging in so hard he was sure his stomach would have dents in it when he finally got up.

"Fuck, Boot, how you this damn heavy when you're half the size of me?" he grunted. "OK, can you swing your feet up to get a grip?"

"No chance," Sherman gasped. "Coop, I can't reach the ladder."

"I told you, I got you. Quit panicking." Cooper waited until Sherman's scared eyes met his. "I'm not gonna let go, Ben."

He swore he saw the panic recede slightly in the young eyes locked on his.

"I'm gonna grab your belt," he said calmly. "You're gonna let go with one hand and reach as high up as you can. Get hold of my vest and pull yourself up. I got my feet round the rail; I'll haul us both back."

He heard Sherman swallow hard, draw in a long breath. A sharp nod and one hand released its death grip on Cooper's bicep. As Sherman lunged for the shoulder strap on Cooper's bullet vest, Cooper's free hand grabbed hold of Ben's duty belt.

Cooper's brute strength was enough to drag Ben up. He felt the kid's hand grasp his own belt, hauling himself higher until his feet found a grip. With one hard kick, he was up and lunging over Cooper's body to land safely on the platform.

Exhaling an extremely shaky breath, Cooper pulled himself back from the edge and persuaded his feet to release their death-hold on the rail. He rolled over to face Sherman, sprawled on the cold metal, panting as if he had run a marathon.

"You alright, kid?"

Sherman managed to nod. "Thanks, Coop," he gasped.

Cooper sat back, gave him his space, knowing the younger man well enough to be certain he would calm quickly now the danger was over. Sure enough, within a couple of minutes, Sherman's breathing had returned to normal and he was getting to his feet. He offered his hand to pull Cooper up.

"Thank you." His shakiness had gone from his voice; he was back in control.

"Anytime." Cooper flashed a grin. "Can we go find that fucking ballerina now?"

They descended with great care and Cooper didn't miss the fact that Sherman stayed very close to him.

"You're OK, Boot," he said quietly.

Sherman glanced across at him, nodded, drew himself up and thrust out his chest as if to assure himself of his physical capabilities. And even though Ben was no longer his rookie, Cooper felt the same old surge of responsibility for him.

"Collar's yours when we get him." He held eye contact.

Sherman nodded again. "Yes sir."

"Not sir anymore."

He saw a flash of surprise in Sherman's eyes before the younger man looked away. They both broke into easy jogs, heading out of the big factory into the yard.

"Just like old times, huh?" Cooper flashed a grin.

Sherman looked at him for a moment, then a smile curled his lips. "Not quite."

Cooper acknowledged the point with a tilt of his head. "Spot anything, Bright Spark?"

They both paused to survey the yard. No tell-tale flash of red tee. Just various oxidising carcasses of cars that would never drive again. A mountain of unusable car tyres up against the far wall.

"Surprised no one's set these on fire yet," Cooper grunted as they surveyed the hill.

"It'll go up tonight now we've drawn attention to it."

"Fire department's problem. I'll check this out; you go play in the car graveyard."

Sherman didn't seem to mind doing as he was told after his little brush with doom and he turned towards the piles of abandoned cars without complaint. Cooper began a steady climb of the tyres, watching out for any sign of movement.

Saw a glimpse of red buried in the middle of a stack. Stopped. Didn't want to give away that he'd spotted the little punk. Started moving slowly upwards.

The kid waited longer than he should have before realising he had indeed been found. He leapt out of his spot, scrambling for the top of the tyre mountain. Cooper took off, yelling the standard warning even though he didn't have a chance of pulling his gun while trying to keep his balance on the unstable terrain.

The teenager reached the top first, swinging himself up onto the wall. Cooper lunged, managed to get a hold of the baggy t-shirt. The kid actually had the balls to try and fight back, not standing a chance against Cooper's strength. He decided it was easier to drop. Threw himself over the wall. It just hadn't occurred to him there would be a ten foot drop to the street below on the other side.

Cooper let go a second too late.

If he'd had time, he would've cursed his lack of forethought. However he was distracted lunging for the wall, trying to grab the brick before he was dragged over it as well. His left hand got a grip but he hadn't accounted for the heft of his own body weight as he went over the edge. His fingers tried vainly to hang on but the wrench of his 200 pounds on his shoulder was too much.

He dropped. And the street rushed up to meet him.


	2. Chapter 2

**PART 2**

When he opened his eyes, the first thing he realised was that he hadn't cracked his head open like a watermelon. Which could only be a positive thing. The second was that his partner had witnessed the entire incident. Being a sensible woman, she had not followed on foot, but brought the car around to the exact street Cooper and the kid had just plunged too.

She was already standing over the perp, her foot pinning him facedown as she trained her gun on his skull. Cooper had landed a couple of feet away; he would have been better falling on top of the kid.

"Move and I will shoot you," she declared. "Coop, you okay?"

He mumbled something he hoped she would interpret as a yes, but that wasn't good enough for her.

"Cooper!" she yelled. "Talk to me!"

"Jesus, I just did," he groaned.

"That wasn't an answer. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he mumbled. "Where's your perp?"

"We lost him. Sammy's still driving around to try and spot him. I thought I'd better come back and see how you were doing. Best decision I ever made, since you decided to play Tarzan."

"It's a wall, not a goddam tree vine," Cooper muttered.

The kid was stirring. Tang kicked him hard enough to produce a moan.

"Did your stupid little brain understand what I just said about moving and getting shot?"

"Get the fuck off me, bitch!"

"Pity you didn't land on your face and smash your teeth out." She kicked him again. "We could always try it again."

The movement was so quick Cooper didn't notice and Jessica couldn't react in time. The kid's leg kicked out, sweeping her feet from under her. She hit the deck and the teenager was scrambling up, ready to run again despite barely being able to stay upright.

Instinctively, Cooper pounced, somehow managing to haul himself up and slam into the perp, bringing him crashing back to the sidewalk. A sneaker found Cooper's jaw and he saw stars for a moment. By the time his vision cleared, the kid was running and Tang was sprinting after him.

"Where's Ben?" she yelled over her shoulder.

Cooper looked up at the top of the wall. Sherman was proving much more successful in being able to hang by his fingers, lowering himself over until he jumped gracefully to the sidewalk. Cooper tried his patented laser-eye look but it didn't seem to have its usual effect.

"You okay, Coop?" Sherman asked, clearly torn between wanting to join the new chase and checking on his ex-partner.

Cooper struggled into a sitting position, leaning back against the wall. "Go help Jess."

"Stay put, okay?" Eager as a puppy to run, Sherman still paused to cast a doubtful eye over Cooper.

Then he was gone, sprinting after Tang, yelling into his mike for Sammy to abandon his own search and join in.

Cooper was finally able to close his eyes and wait for the endorphins to help him out.

X X X

Usually, Jessica would have been pissed to be overtaken so easily by the athletic Sherman but at the moment she just wanted to end the chase so she could check on her partner.

"Jess, Coop's still back there," Ben yelled over his shoulder as he shot past her. The guy wasn't even breathing hard, she noted with derision. "He's still down."

She pulled up in the knowledge that Sammy had responded to the assistance call, driven on ahead and would now be running back to block the suspect.

"I'm gonna go back to him," she called after Sherman. He waved an arm in acknowledgement before another burst of speed took him around the corner.

She jogged back towards her partner, stepping up the pace when she saw him slumped against the wall. His head was down, chin almost resting on his chest as he tried to hide his face. It didn't prevent her seeing the sharp lines creasing the corners of his eyes.

"Coop," she called loudly. "Open your eyes."

He looked up slowly as he knelt down in front of him. His face was taut with pain and he was guarding his left shoulder.

"Did you hit your head?" Jessica ran her fingers across his skull, feeling for any contusions. "Look at me."

He made eye contact and she was reassured his pupils were normal, although the usually bright blue was dull and lifeless.

"Where you hurt? Shoulder?"

"It's nothin'." His voice was low and gravelly, scratching in his throat.

"You sure?" Jess pressed along the length of his collarbone, gently felt the humerus, convinced he was in too much pain for a simple shoulder sprain. He gave no reaction.

"I'm alright, Jess," he mumbled. "Just give me a second."

She sat back on her heels, looking him over carefully for a moment, but he wouldn't meet her gaze again. Figuring he was more likely to get up if she wasn't observing him, she stood up and walked to the car, pulling out the log sheets and making a big deal of beginning to record the details. To enable her to keep an eye on her partner without making it obvious, she slipped on her mirrored aviators.

Finally, he slowly dragged himself to his feet. She wanted to offer him help but knew he wasn't ready to accept it yet. She hadn't seen him deal with real pain before but she sensed he needed to get a handle on his self-control before he let anyone near him.

Shielded by her sunglasses, she watched him grab the wall, using it to ease upright to his full height. His stance was awkward, his body held rigid. She could see how hard he was breathing from the way his shirt strained against the bullet vest.

The stiffness of his movements told her what she had missed. She tossed the log back onto the dash and went to him. As ever, he towered over her but she tried to offer him support, pushing her shoulder against his hard-muscled flank to try and take some of his weight. She imagined that was what it felt like to hold a rodeo bull upright.

"I got you, John," she said quietly. "It's okay. Don't move around too much."

He looked down at her from his great height, the resignation clear in his eyes. She felt his taut frame yield a little as he leant slightly against her.

"Your back, right?"

His resolution crumbled then, no longer able to find the energy to hide it from her. He pulled away, his face contorting in agony as he limped a couple of steps.

"Coop, quit it." Jessica grabbed his arm. "I thought you trusted me."

"I do," he snapped, a sudden rush of anger clouding his face.

"Then don't even think about trying to act like everything's fine." She tugged insistently on his arm. "Talk to me, for God's sake."

He swallowed hard, clearly regretting yelling at her. "It's not what you think. I just pulled something; it's not like last time."

"You're sure?" She was momentarily relieved. He had lived with the old injury for a long time; surely he would know if it was the same problem.

"I'm sure. I know what it feels like if it's somethin' deeper; this is just muscular." He finally looked at her. He was trying to sound his usual steadfast self, almost managed it. "Don't panic."

"I never panic," she informed him.

X X X

Cooper's attention was caught by the sound of heavy, running footsteps. Turning, he saw Sammy and Sherman pounding towards them.

"Did he get past you?" Ben yelled.

"What you talking about?" Jessica asked.

"He doubled round and started back this way." Sammy pulled up, trying to catch his breath.

"He didn't make it down here."

"Asshole musta climbed into one of the backyards," Sherman declared.

"He'll be long gone by now." Jess shook her head dismissively. "So will the victim. Forget it, they'll show up on the radar again. I'm not going chasing them. Where's your car?"

"Sammy left it couple of blocks away when the dipshit started heading back this way."

"It'll be sat up on bricks by now," Cooper muttered.

He watched Sherman look him over but the younger cop didn't say anything, much to Cooper's relief.

"Ride back to our car?" Sammy asked, looking somewhat worried by this prediction.

"Long as you don't mess up the upholstery," Tang smirked.

"Jeez, you turned it into some girly car with air freshener and cushions?" Sammy demanded, already climbing into the back seat. "C'mon, Shermie, if we lose that cruiser we're dead meat."

Sherman took another good look at Cooper before turning away to join Sammy in the car.

"Can you walk?" Jessica asked him under her breath as the two started fighting over who would explain to the captain if anything happened to the car.

Cooper was already making his way slowly towards the passenger door, his movements stiff and awkward even though he was trying to hide it. Tang went around the other side, slapped at Sammy's hand as he reached through to knock the lever out of park.

"You wanna walk?" she demanded, slapping at him again to cause a suitable distraction while Cooper dropped into his seat.

"It'd be quicker than your driving," Sammy retorted.

She seemed to take particular pleasure in leaving tire tracks in the road as she pulled away. The guys' cruiser was easy to spot, abandoned in the middle of the street, but it seemed to still have all its windows and wheels, which was an unexpected bonus.

Sammy spat out a curse as all four spotted the car's new decoration at the same moment. Some community-minded soul had taken a can of bright red spray paint and written 'cocksucker' in foot-high letters across the hood.

"How the fuck am I gonna clean that off?" Sammy bellowed.

Tang was trying admirably hard not to laugh but she couldn't resist getting out for a closer look. Her hand briefly touched Cooper's before she threw open her door.

"Stay put for a second, okay?"

He nodded tiredly. He had no intention of going anywhere. Resting his head back against his seat, he waited for Sherman to get out and offer some of his ever-helpful advice for resolving the situation.

Sherman didn't go anywhere. Cooper's eyes drifted to the rearview mirror and he watched his old partner lean forward.

"You okay, Coop?" he asked softly. "Your back alright?"

"Yeah," Cooper mumbled.

"You sure? You don't look so good."

Cooper thought about yelling at him but there was no accusation in Sherman's voice. So instead he blew out a long breath and closed his eyes, reined in his straining temper. He'd never been able to keep anger in check when he was fighting pain.

"I'll be okay," he said.

Sherman stayed put another moment, then he nodded, gently patted Cooper's shoulder and slid out of the car.

"Take it easy, alright?" he said quietly as he passed by Cooper's open window. "Let me know if you need anything."

Cooper nodded his thanks but remained silent. He waited for Jessica to finish her mocking of Sammy's reputation around the neighbourhood.

"Must be one of your ex-girlfriends," she called as she finally returned to the car.

"You're so goddam helpful, Jess," Sammy yelled back, kicking a tire with no little frustration.

Grinning widely, Tang slid back behind the wheel. "How you doin', partner?" she asked, assessing him from behind her aviators.

He didn't know how to answer, so he just shook his head. He looked away, not wanting to see the concern in her expression.

Tang started the car, waved brightly to Sammy as she pulled away.

"Time for more coffee, I think."

X X X

Heading back to the cruiser with two supersize coffees, Tang leant down at the passenger window and handed both to Cooper.

"Hold those a second, I'll be back."

He barely acknowledged her, taking a long slug of coffee, eyes hidden behind his shades. Jessica turned back to the sidewalk, headed for the pharmacy on the corner. He glanced at the paper bag she returned to the car with, then looked away immediately.

"I'm good, Jess."

"No, you're not." She held out a chemical ice pack. "Take your vest off and put that on your shoulder."

He sat still for another moment, then slowly began to unbutton his shirt. Jessica reached to help him pull the vest over his head but the tension in his body immediately ratcheted up another notch and she left him to do it himself.

He smashed the ice pack against the dash to break the chemical sac, draped it over his shoulder. Leant his head back again.

"You wanna try this on your back?" Jessica held out another plastic packet. He looked at the adhesive heat pad as if she was offering him a spitting cobra.

He took it but didn't open it. Held it in his hands, turned it over, then placed it unopened in his shirt pocket. Tang opened her mouth to speak but realised it would be futile. Shook her last offering, a bottle of extra-strength Tylenol.

He glanced at the bottle, shook his head. "Nah, I don't want that."

"It'll help."

"I don't like to take stuff like that." He didn't make eye contact.

"I got ibuprofen in my pocket." She tried a smile. "For period pain."

This time he took the blister pack, popped two, chased them with coffee. "Better than nothing, right?"

"We should head back in."

He'd already turned his head away, looking out the window as if it mattered to him what was out there. He didn't speak for the return journey, kept his shades on even though darkness had fallen.

Back in the station carpark, Tang pulled in between two other cruisers, jumped out. Went around to his door but he had already hauled himself out. He stood up stiffly to his full height, looked down at her.

She barely came up to his mid-chest, felt tiny and delicate against his solid bulk.

"Hey, Coop," she asked, "what was the 'R'?"

He forced a smile. "Reefer. You didn't notice the huge blunt the churro vendor was smoking?"

For a moment, his big hand squeezed her arm. Then he headed slowly inside.


	3. Chapter 3

**PART 3**

Finally in the locker room, watch at an end, Cooper stood under a steaming shower until it felt like his skin was about to melt. It didn't help. He didn't make eye contact with anyone as he wrapped a towel round his waist and moved slowly to the basins. Several of his friends, guys he'd known for years, attempted to start conversations but quickly realised he wasn't in a talkative mood.

Eventually, everyone left him alone. All except Dewey, of course. If there was one guy in the entire station who was incapable of taking a hint, it was Dewey.

"Rough day, Johnny?" he asked as he took the basin next to Cooper, scrubbing his teeth with great enthusiasm.

"Nope," Cooper muttered.

"Man, you shoulda seen the broad I picked up for jacking a wallet. I swear to God, man, she had tits like I never seen before."

Cooper didn't reply. Put down his toothbrush and turned away to his locker. Gritted his teeth against the pain as he slowly dragged on jeans and a grey tee that in the morning had comfortably hugged his body but now felt unbearably restrictive.

Mercifully, Dewey didn't hang around being sociable for long. Cooper blew out a long breath as the locker room door banged shut behind the smaller man. Letting his forehead come to rest on his locker door, he closed his eyes at the coolness of the metal and waited for the pain to ease its grasp for a moment.

"Hey, Coop." The voice behind him was quiet but he didn't have to look to see who it was.

"Hey, Boot," he said.

He shoved himself away from the locker and eased upright, barely managing to resist slamming his fist into the closed door. Not making eye contact with Ben, he popped the locker open and reached for his jacket.

The pain was an instantaneous explosion that almost dropped him to his knees. He was too late to stop the sharp groan escaping from low in his throat. Sherman's hands grabbed hold of his upper arms, as if afraid he was going to hit the floor. He didn't have the strength to push him away; every ounce of power he possessed was being used to keep himself on his feet.

It was the first time he had ever felt Sherman's strength outweighed his own and he hated it.

"Easy, man, I got you." Ben's expression was carefully neutral, as if he knew Cooper would not allow sympathy. "Take it easy."

"I'm okay," Cooper ground out.

"Yeah, sure you are. Did I cause it?"

"No, man, it wasn't you. Just twisted the wrong way when I fell off the wall."

"Is it bad?"

"Don't think so. Just sore as hell."

Sherman's eyes told of his desire to believe the older man's words but he kept his hold on Cooper as if he wasn't yet convinced.

"C'mon, Boot, I wanna get the hell out of here," Cooper said gently, understanding the kid was trying to help him and not prepared to make him feel bad for it. "Let me grab my jacket."

"I got it." Ben turned and grabbed the jacket, releasing his grip warily.

Cooper slipped it on, managing to avoid another bolt of pain, and nodded his thanks to Sherman. At least the shoulder seemed to be okay; the ice must have done its job. He rolled it carefully but felt no reaction. One less thing to worry about.

"You goin' for a beer?" Ben asked.

Cooper was about to shake his head but the uneasy thought of heading back to his empty house, sitting alone trying to deal with the pain without anything stronger than ibuprofen, of the ghosts it would resurrect in his head, stopped him. He would never admit it but he was scared of what he may do if he went home now.

He also realised how much it must have taken for Ben Sherman to extend an offer of friendship to him.

"Figure I could use one," he said.

"Yeah, me too," Ben smiled widely. "Don't know about you but I had one helluva day. Took us two hours to clean the paint off the hood; fucking Sammy freaking out every five minutes 'cos he thought everyone who passed by was talking about him being the cocksucker. Finally got it clean, then we found out they'd drawn a six foot cock on the roof as well."

Cooper couldn't help but laugh. "And Sammy was perfectly happy they'd drawn it to scale, right?"

Sherman cracked up. "Yeah, if it was fucking magnified, maybe. See, I deserve beer after putting up with that all day."

"You're buying, right?"

"You saved my ass today, least I can do."

They departed together, Cooper very aware that Ben was deliberately walking slowly beside him. But Sherman made no big deal of it, keeping the conversation steered to the Lakers' latest form, hands shoved in his jeans pocket as he strolled casually down the sidewalk.

O'Malley's had been a cop hangout for so long no one could remember life without it. Everyone who ever wore a badge in West Bureau ended up there at some point, celebrating their successes and drowning their sorrows in the bottom of a shot glass.

Obedient as a puppy, Sherman ordered two beers and two Absolut chasers, handed over his dollars. He didn't watch as Cooper eased himself onto one of the bar stools, slid a bottle and a glass across to him once Cooper had fought the grimace from his face.

"Thanks, man." Cooper took a long pull on the beer, emptying half the bottle in one.

Two guys were occupying the stools next to them. "And...yeah..." one was saying loudly, staring into his glass, "so the dude hung himself. Sad, huh?"

"It's 'hanged'," Sherman declared.

Both guys turned to stare. "Huh?"

"Hanged, not hung." Sherman winked at Cooper. "Google it."

Cooper couldn't help it; he burst out laughing, the memory of Dewey ordering Ben to do the same thing still clear in his mind.

The two guys seemed to consider taking offence at the laughter, but the size of Cooper and the stance Ben had taken up seemed to persuade them otherwise. They hurriedly departed to the pool table.

"You're an asshole." Cooper was still laughing, one of those laughs that brought tears to his eyes and an ache in his belly, and it didn't matter if his back was killing him, it felt damn good. As if he wasn't hovering on the edge of despair.

"I learnt from the best," Sherman grinned. He raised his shot and tapped the glass against Cooper's.

The acrid liquid burnt a comforting path down Cooper's throat, settling warm in his stomach. He made eye contact with the bartender, ordered another two.

"You gonna be okay?" Sherman asked after they had downed the second shots.

"You know it takes a helluva lot more than that to get me drunk, Boot."

"That's not what I'm talking about."

Cooper flashed a crooked smile. "I know."

"You worried?"

"Not yet," he lied.

"I'd be scared, if it was me." Sherman kept his eyes on his beer. "After everything that happened."

"It's not the old problem." Cooper felt his temper flare in his gut but he held it in. In the past, he'd always gotten angry. His rage had driven everyone away. It hadn't helped anything; being alone had made it feel worse. He wanted to keep himself from going down that path again tonight. "Everyone takes a knock at some time; it had to happen eventually."

"But the surgery's holding up?" Ben asked carefully.

Cooper made eye contact with him and hoped against all hope that he was speaking the truth. "Absolutely."

X X X

That spot was where Tang eventually found them several hours later. Judging by the state of Ben Sherman, who was giggling uncontrollably and riding his barstool like a rodeo bull, the two had been there for quite a few rounds. At least Cooper looked sober but she could tell by the taut way he held his body that the discomfort remained strong.

"Thanks for waiting on me," she said as she climbed onto the stool next to him. She reached out to rest a friendly hand on his back but he pulled away before she could touch the painful area, his face tightening in reaction to the sudden movement. His low groan was almost inaudible.

"Nah, Jess." Sherman responded like a protective Alsatian, batting Jessica's arm away. "He don't let no one touch his back."

"I'm not gonna hurt him, Ben. Relax."

Cooper looked from one to the other, then shook his head as if he was regarding a class of kindergarteners. "We didn't wait for you 'cos for some reason it takes you an hour and a half just to leave the locker room."

"I'm a woman, remember?"

"How could I forget?"

"You turned your phone off." Jess reached to steal his beer, taking a sip. "You trying to avoid me?"

"If I was trying to avoid you, I'd be doing a better job than this." Cooper jerked his thumb at the grinning Sherman. "And I'd choose a wingman who can handle his vodka."

"Vodka!" Ben echoed enthusiastically. "More shots?"

Cooper obligingly waved a bill at the bartender.

"You want to drink more?" Jessica asked.

"What else am I gonna do, take Boot to see a movie?"

"Maybe go home and rest?"

She saw a flash of some unreadable emotion in his eyes as he shook his head. "Nah." His smile was forced. "Not when I'm havin' so much fun gettin' Richie Rich wasted."

Tang rolled her eyes and accepted the beer Cooper slid across to her. "You okay?" she asked.

He nodded shortly, looking straight ahead. She wasn't going to reach him yet.

She looked across to Sherman. "Ben, how did you get this drunk in a couple of hours?"

"He's OK," Cooper said loyally. "This is how he always works it. Gets drunk early on, then chills for the rest of the evening and by closing time he's fine again."

Ben nodded his agreement and downed his next vodka shot. "He knows," he declared. "Back in the day, we got drunk here plenty of times."

"It was the only damn way to get him to listen," Cooper muttered, firing back his own shot.

"Are you ready to go yet?" Tang demanded.

Sherman shook his head determinedly. "I don't wanna go home."

"Why not?"

Ben just shook his head again and looked at his beer.

"What woman you upset this time?" Cooper asked.

"My neighbour," Sherman admitted sheepishly. "You should never sleep with your neighbour, man. There's no goddamn escape."

"Coulda told you that," Cooper grunted.

"So why did you sleep with her?" Jessica asked.

"Because she's hot!" Sherman looked at her as if it was obvious as Cooper snorted with laughter. "Problem is, I have to see her husband every morning. He always leaves for work at the same fucking time as me."

Cooper burst out laughing as Jessica shook her head at the stupidity of men. To escape the conversation, she ordered another round and hoped that would bring the night to a close.

X X X

Sherman's tastebuds had long since numbed to the harshness of vodka. He wasn't sure why Tang was still there, nursing a single beer as she watched Ben and Cooper match each other. He guessed she was trying to show her loyalty to her partner.

Seemed kind of pointless to him, when Cooper was too busy trying to kill the pain with alcohol to have much conversation.

"You guys not hungry?" Tang asked.

Ben was starving and declared so, hoping they could head off for something to eat. Cooper shrugged and had another shot. How he still seemed reasonably sober and coordinated was inexplicable.

"You wanna go get food?" Jessica drained her beer.

"Hell yeah!" Sherman was already on his feet.

"The only places open at this time of night are the ones that'll have you puking your guts up tomorrow," Cooper said, remarkably sensible despite the vodka.

This inevitably led to a quick argument about the value of late-night food joints.

"For God's sake, I'll cook Chinese food if you'll both shut up." Jessica climbed down from her stool. "My place is only ten minutes away."

Ben was just about sober enough to be uneasy with this idea.

"Nah, I'm gonna get going," he said, draining his own bottle. "There's some good places around my neighbourhood."

"You bailing?" Cooper turned his head to look at him, clearly questioning why he was uncomfortable.

"Yeah, man, it's late."

"By your standards, this is practically still afternoon." Cooper's eyes searched his for an answer. Ben just shook his head.

Jessica looked between the two of them, clearly realising the silent exchange passing between the two men. "I'm offering Chinese food, Ben. That doesn't mean I'm gonna cut you up and throw you in the wok."

"I'm good, really." Sherman shrugged into his jacket, rested a hand on Cooper's shoulder. "Take it easy, man, I'll see you tomorrow."

Cooper's big hand landed briefly on his arm. "Thanks for the drinks."

"Thanks for the shot races."

"You going as well?" Tang asked her partner.

"Yeah, figure I've had enough for one night."

"You want a ride?"

He shook his head. "It's the opposite way from your place. I'll grab a cab."

"John, for God's sake, will you let me give you a ride home? I'm trying to help you out."

"I don't need help," he muttered.

"You saying you don't need friends either? Or your partner?"

Sherman studied the bar-top with great interest, uneasy at the sudden tension that flared between the two.

"Jess, you don't need to take care of me. I can do that for myself." Cooper swallowed down the remains of his beer. "I've done it for a long time, I'm used to it."

"You said it yourself, things are different now."

Cooper kept looking straight ahead, as if eye contact was a step too far for him. "Not that different."

Sherman felt his shoulders tighten at that statement. He glanced sideways, trying to see Cooper's eyes, needing know what that meant. Needing to know if Cooper was going to end up in another bar that night, buying pills in a dank bathroom.

He didn't know why he cared, but he couldn't ignore the fact that he did.

"John," he said quietly. "You don't need to go through it alone."

Cooper's head turned momentarily towards him and Sherman steeled himself for a typical sharp comeback, but none came. He held the bigger man's gaze, recognised that Cooper was trying to reassure him. Tell him he wasn't going down that route tonight.

"Goodnight." Sherman buttoned his jacket, headed for the door. Nodded acknowledgement to Cooper's raised hand of farewell. Jessica's eyes were still glaring daggers at her partner.

Out on the street, he leant back against the wall, letting the cool night air blow across his face. Thought about heading for the Strip, hitting a few more bars with the Hills crowd. Realised he didn't want the company of a group of rich kids whose only view of the world was from behind their tinted Porsche windows.

He exhaled a long breath and wondered why the hell he'd stayed here so long tonight. Or why he'd gone in the first place. Even though he knew the answer.

Loyalty.

"Ben." He realised Jessica had appeared behind him.

"Hey, Jess. You heading too?"

"Cooper's now decided he's not ready to go."

"You don't have to stay with him, you know."

"Sure I do, he's my partner." Jessica's clear eyes met his. "You didn't have to stay though."

Sherman shrugged uneasily. "I didn't have any other plans tonight."

"He needs to go home."

"Jess, Coop's the most stubborn asshole you're ever likely to meet. No way he'll go until he's ready."

"He just needs a little persuasion."

Sherman couldn't help but smile. "You really don't know him all that well, do you?"

"Ben, help me out." Jess grabbed his sleeve. "He's too big for me to move."

"You know he's not drunk, right?"

"Drunk or sober, he's huge and he doesn't want to go anywhere."

"He won't move for me either."

"Please, Ben. He needs to go home."

Sherman exhaled in frustration. He wanted to walk away, knew he should walk away. But something wouldn't let him. The same something that wouldn't let him leave kids' sneakers dangling from telephone wires.

"Wait here," he said in defeat.

He headed swiftly back inside, moving quick so he wouldn't change his mind. Rested a hand on Cooper's broad shoulder. Took it as a positive when it wasn't immediately shook off.

"You get lonely already, Boot?" Cooper asked.

"It's time to go home, man."

"Why'd you care?"

"I don't know," Sherman said honestly. "But Jess is waiting outside to give you a ride home. And I get the feeling she ain't going anywhere til you do."

Cooper gave a hard sigh. "Fuckin' women, huh? Never quit nagging you."

"C'mon, Coop, let's get outta here. It's late and we're all tired."

For a moment, there was no acknowledgement. Then Cooper's shoulders slumped in defeat.

"You'll make a great mom one day, Boot," he muttered.

He eased himself painfully to the edge of his stool, planted his feet. Tried to stand, immediately dropped back again. Sherman realised why he'd refused to move with Jessica watching. He wasn't prepared to let her see the agony he was in.

He hesitated only a moment before offering his hand. Cooper's eyes hardened and Ben waited for his hand to get swiped away. To his surprise, Cooper grasped it and let the younger man pull him to his feet. His forearm landed on Ben's shoulder until he'd slowly straightened to his full height.

Sherman stepped back immediately, knowing he had to make it seem no big deal. Led the way to the door. Didn't make it obvious he was walking slow to let Cooper keep pace.

"About time, partner." Jessica stood up from the bench she had settled herself on. "You ready for a ride home now?"

Cooper was silent but he gave a short nod. Followed Tang to the kerb, leant against the trunk while she unlocked her car.

"What about you, Ben?" Tang asked.

Sherman hesitated. He had been angry with Cooper for so long, furious that the hero cop he had admired and endeavoured to be like had fallen so hard from grace. The rage that had coursed through him that night when he had driven his partner to the hospital had never quite abated. He'd had to distance himself, had to cut Cooper loose. Because he'd been afraid to see him dying.

But tonight he was remembering the evening they had sat together on that lonely sidewalk, shoulder to shoulder as if they were equals, watching the firemen rescue those red sneakers from the telephone wire. That Cooper had gone out of his way to show up and offer his young protégé the support he had badly needed. He remembered the pain Cooper had been in, sitting there on the cold concrete, but he had stayed. He'd talked, bared a little glimpse of his soul, suddenly become so very human in a way that had left Ben both grateful and deeply moved.

He'd never said so, of course. That wasn't the way things worked. But there was no denying it, without John Cooper, he wouldn't have made it past his first week on the job. He owed him.

"I'll come with you," he said.


	4. Chapter 4

**PART 4**

Sherman had not expected Tang to be quite such an aggressive driver. He reached for his seatbelt, glancing at Cooper in the backseat. He'd shoved Ben into the front before anything could be said; Ben had been quick to distract Tang from noticing.

"At least you'll go through the windshield before me," Cooper said.

"Nah, you're heavier than me," Sherman shot back. "You'll fly like a wrecking ball."

"Who said we're going to crash?" Tang demanded.

"The road's in front of you, darlin', not behind you," Cooper informed her.

"Shut the hell up, Coop."

"Lips are sealed. I figure I can just direct you with my mental powers."

"What, just like the city granted you the power to give people divorces?" Sherman snorted with laughter.

"What?" Jessica demanded.

"We kept getting called out to the same domestic disturbance, day after day." Ben grinned widely. "Finally, Coop had enough. He grabbed hold of both of 'em, told 'em to put their hands on his badge and he was giving them a divorce right then. The idiots actually believed him."

"I had the power," Cooper drawled, Martin Luther King style. "I like to sort out dumbass problems. Just like Sherman likes to worry about the custody arrangements of people's cats."

A strange look from Tang but she didn't bother to ask. Ben cracked up laughing, remembering his first experience of garbage calls.

"Is he always like this?" Tang asked Cooper.

"You should see how excited he gets during car chases."

Sherman was already distracted. "Hey, there's a great burrito place up ahead," he announced.

"You can't wait twenty minutes?" Tang asked.

"Jeez, let the kid eat," Cooper interrupted. "He's gonna start kicking your car otherwise. He gets aggressive when he's hungry."

"Really?" Jessica glanced across at Ben.

"I seen him punch a guy out over a taco."

"When did I do that?" Ben demanded.

"It might have been an egg roll. I forget."

"I did not!"

"Alright, I'm stopping!" Tang interrupted, swinging into the burrito joint's car park. "It's worse than having kids. This place had better be open."

Ben glanced back at Cooper. Saw the ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. And was reassured he'd been right to go along for the ride.

X X X

Tang turned around in her seat, regarded her partner for a moment. He was sprawled across the backseat, trying his best to look casual. Not quite achieving it.

"You doing okay?" she asked.

"Sure." He continued looking out the window as if he believed Sherman would get jumped for his burrito any second.

"You don't make this easy, do you?"

"'Cos it's such a laugh for me, Jess. I just have to make everyone else enjoy the moment as well."

She wasn't put off by his sarcasm. "I'm worried about you."

"Don't be."

"Like it's that simple."

"Jess, I don't feel like talking right now." Cooper closed his eyes, rested his head back.

"You're just gonna block me out?"

He didn't answer. His eyes stayed closed. She was not going to win this one. Exhaling sharply in frustration, she turned around again and resolved not to speak anymore. A minute later, her eyes drifted to the rearview mirror.

She knew he wasn't asleep, even though he was doing a good job of faking it. The pain lines etched around his eyes were still there; his jaw was taut. He was such a handsome guy, not pretty-boy, but rough, masculine, exuding toughness. A street-hardened vet whose strong features could relax into the wickedest grin in an instant. She cared deeply about him.

She'd thought he cared about her too. Yet he wouldn't allow her close enough to help him. Riding in the cruiser day after day, he talked openly with her, no sign of caginess or reluctance. But now, when he should have really needed her, he was pulling away.

"Will you quit looking at me?" His deep voice demanded quietly.

His eyes had opened again, staring directly into the mirror at her. He had a deadly glare. There was no need to utter the words 'don't fuck with me' when one look from those steely blue eyes could do it for him.

"Sorry," she mumbled, looking away.

Jessica Tang had grown up in a very traditional Chinese family, where respect and honour were the most important things of all. She was fiercely loyal to those she cared about and, in the months she had partnered John Cooper, she had come to value his steady, reassuring presence beside her. She could trust Cooper with her life; the fear that used to course through her was negated by the security of his rock-solid frame at her side.

On the street, he always looked out for her and now it was her turn to do the same for him. Now she needed to protect him. She just didn't know how to go about it.

X X X

Cooper didn't watch Tang's car drive away. Hoped Jessica and Ben hadn't watched his slow walk up to his front door. He hadn't invited them in. They hadn't seemed to expect he would.

He closed the door gently, leant against it for a moment. His home had always been a sanctuary for him, away from the shit he dealt with every day, but tonight, for some reason, it didn't feel welcoming. It felt solitary.

Needing to break the silence in the house, he found the control for the CD player and flicked it on, not really caring what was playing. The Chillis didn't exactly match his mood but it was noise, better than nothing.

The liquor collection that always sat on the sideboard was unusually depleted but he still had the unopened bottle of Armenian brandy he'd recently been given by a grateful Russian babushka for returning her stolen crucifix. He cracked the seal, inhaled the rich scent. Wasn't quite desperate enough to slug from the bottle. Poured a hefty measure into a glass.

Sitting himself at the table, he pulled out his cell, scrolled through his contacts for a minute. Came to a stop on Laurie's name. But no, he wasn't going there again. She would come, he knew that. She'd hold him, try to ease the pain in any way she could, but she'd be scared for him. Scared that when she left, he'd call someone else and everything would spiral out of control once again.

He couldn't do that to her again.

He put the phone on the table. Poured another shot. Waited until he'd downed it before he hurled the glass across the room.

X X X

By morning, when he was painfully strapping on his Kevlar, keeping his eyes fixed on his locker so as not to invite conversation, he figured he'd gotten about twenty minutes of uninterrupted sleep. For the first time in a year, he'd worn the brace, silently prayed it would get him through the day. He had three off-days coming up. He just needed to make it 'til then.

He didn't bother to look in the mirror as he passed by, one agonising step at a time. He knew he was pale, face heavily lined. He felt ten years older than he was, and knew he looked it today. But what the hell, he was a cop, not a goddam beauty queen.

He took his time leaving the locker room. Wasn't surprised to find his partner waiting for him in the hallway. She handed him a cup of coffee, offered him a small bottle. The label read ibuprofen but he was still quick to slip it into his pocket before anyone saw. Old habits.

He hadn't taken anything that morning. Was desperate for some sort of relief. But he wouldn't take the ibuprofen in front of her.

She went ahead of him into the briefing room. Took a seat at the front table. He headed for the back. Didn't bother attempting to find a comfortable position. Leant forward over his knees to try and take the strain off. Didn't even try to look like he was paying attention as roll call began.

Hardly registering anything that was said, he kept his eyes on his coffee cup.

"Tang, you're riding with Rodriguez today."

That got Cooper's attention. His head shot up to look first at Sergeant Hill, then across to Jessica. She continued looking straight ahead, although surely she could feel his eyes on her. She didn't seem surprised.

"OK, get out there. Be safe." Hill wrapped up as usual, stepped back as the squad filed out. Cooper didn't bother to get up, knew Tang wasn't going to look at him, certainly wasn't going to talk to him. A heavy weight settled in his stomach and he watched her leave, not even risking a backward glance at him.

"Sarge?" He finally stood up when Hill closed the door, leaving the two of them alone in the room.

"I'm sorry, John." Hill looked genuinely uncomfortable. "I heard what happened yesterday."

"Tang talk to you?"

"She was worried about you."

"How nice of her," Cooper snapped. "What'd she say?"

"That you need a medical check."

"And of course she's the great expert." Cooper realised he'd clenched his fists and forced himself to take a step back from his sergeant.

"You can hardly move, John."

"It's not what you think it is."

"Good. I'm glad for you. Seriously." Hill met his gaze. "Now all you need to do is go get a piece of paper that proves it. Then you're back on duty. Easy."

"You're benching me?"

"I can't let you out on the streets like that, Coop. And I'm sure as hell not gonna put you in the goddamn equipment room. So you got 7 days sick leave before you have to file a doctor's letter, standard time. That medical report you're gonna get will be for my eyes only. Far as everyone else is concerned, you got flu. Soon as the report says it's nothing major, you're back out there. Okay?"

Cooper was sensible enough to realise his sergeant was helping him out, keeping it off the record. "Yes, sir."

"Don't fucking call me sir, John. I just wanna be sure you're alright."

Cooper's jaw was clenched so tight he could barely grind out the words. "I am."

"Go get the proof, man." Hill held the door open for him. "Call me if you need anything in the meantime."

Cooper knew he couldn't give a civil response so he just pushed past, striding down the corridor with his head held high, even though rockets of agony were shooting up his spine. He managed to wait until he was in the locker room, alone, before the rage overwhelmed him.

Roaring in an ignited mix of pain and fury, he punched his locker until he could hit no longer. Finally, he sank to one knee, resting his head against the dented metal.

He screwed his eyes tightly closed. Sucked in ragged breaths until he was sure the tears had receded.

X X X

"Sammy, pull over for a second." Sherman had spotted the cruiser parked up at the coffee stand.

"You wanna check on Coop?" Sammy followed his gaze.

Ben shrugged. "He saved my ass yesterday. Might as well say hi."

Sammy obligingly swung in, parked up behind the other car. "Grab me a coffee, bro."

"Sure thing." Sherman jumped out, headed for the counter. The other cruiser was empty but only Jessica stood stirring sugar into her steaming cup.

"Hi, Ben," she said quietly.

"Hey, Jess." Ben leant on the counter, held up two fingers to the vendor. "Where's Coop?"

"He's off today."

"He called in sick?" Sherman was surprised and didn't bother to hide it.

"Not exactly." Tang was avoiding eye contact.

Sherman pulled one coffee towards him, his ever-developing cop radar giving him an uneasy dig. "What's going on, Jess?"

She concentrated on moving her stirrer inside the cup, didn't answer for a long moment. "I had to talk to Sergeant Hill this morning."

"What?" Sherman stepped close in front of her, leaving her unable to look anywhere but at him. "You did what?"

"You didn't see him this morning, Ben. He was in agony. I couldn't let him go out like that and put himself at more risk."

"You saying you ratted on him?"

She thrust out her chin immediately. "No, that's not what I'm saying. I was trying to help him. You know he wouldn't have done anything if I just left him. He'd have ignored it until it got really bad."

"You don't know anything about him, Jess!" Sherman's voice rose sharply. "You just proved that. If you had any idea what the guy's been through, you wouldn't have even thought about ratting him out."

"What're you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact if he loses his field certification through something like this, he may never get it back. That's what he's always been afraid of; that's why he took so long to deal with it the last time." Ben threw back a mouthful of burning coffee, barely noticing the heat. "He wouldn't want anybody to find what was going on. You shoulda known that."

"You know I wouldn't want anything like that to happen to him. I thought I was doing the right thing."

Sherman shook his head, hurled his drink into the trash can. "You just don't do that shit, alright?"

"I did what was right for him."

"No." Ben had to shove his hands into his pockets to hide the clenched fists. "That's not how it works. You've been off the streets a long time, Jess. You've forgotten what being a partner means."

"Just remember I'm still your superior officer, Ben." Her face hardened in an instant.

"You can be as superior as you want but even a goddam rookie learns to stick up for his partner better than you did today."

"What you getting so angry about? Cooper's not your partner anymore."

"Doesn't matter. He used to be and he saved my ass more times than I'll ever remember. That means something to me, even if it doesn't to you."

"I know I'm always safe with Cooper."

"Yeah, because he would put his ass on the line for you. He'd take a damn bullet for you. Wouldn't even think about it. You think he feels the same about you now?" He realised his voice had risen to a shout, that he was getting up in Tang's face. Chest thrust out, that automatic stance he always took up when the aggression was coursing through his veins.

"Shermie, chill, man!" Sammy had joined them without Ben noticing. Had taken hold of him, reassuring arm across his chest, tugging him back. "Just calm down."

Sherman allowed himself to be pulled away. Let Sammy throw an arm round his neck, walk him towards their car.

"Ben…"

Sherman turned away, not sure he would hold his temper much longer. "Don't bother, Tang."

Sammy was unusually tactful as they got back in the car. Didn't even complain about losing out on his coffee. Just drove away quietly, none of the ripping Sherman had expected from his wiseass partner. Put a good mile between themselves and Tang before he stopped at a diner favoured by them both.

"I don't feel like drinking coffee in the car," he announced. "C'mon."

Sherman didn't feel like arguing. Followed Sammy in, accepted the aromatic cup that was slid across towards him.

"Wanna talk about it?" Sammy asked after they'd both sipped appreciatively for a minute.

"Not really."

"I thought you didn't get along with Coop. Now you're about to punch Tang out for him?"

Sherman shrugged, recognising Sammy was in the mood to talk and wouldn't be put off. "I rode with him for a long time, man," he said, as if that was an explanation. "And yesterday, he coulda killed himself pulling me up that ladder. Just feel like I owe him a little, y'know?"

"Yeah, I get it, man." Sammy stirred his cup reflectively. "With Nate, y'know, I figured out what's important with a partner too late."

"You and Nate were tight, he knew that." Ben instinctively tried to offer his friend support, hearing that raw emotion in Sammy's voice. He would never get over Nate's death, would never stop feeling guilty. Time had passed but there was a part of Sammy that was still broken by the loss of a man he had thought of as a brother.

"Ben, man, I hope you never lose a partner. Ever." Sammy's dark eyes met his. "But when you do, it makes you realise what it's really all about. It makes you understand that it doesn't matter if they fuck up. Because whatever they did wrong, there were always more times when they did something right by you. More times that they helped you out. No matter how bad they fucked up, if they were really your partner, you'd know that you laughed with them more than you yelled at each other."

Sherman didn't know how to reply to that, but he found he couldn't look away. Sammy's gaze was so intense it almost felt like his friend could see into his soul.

"Coop was a great cop, bro. He was the best training officer you coulda asked for. And yeah, in the end he screwed up big style. He couldn't back you up. But that was just a short time and you need to remember that." Sammy took a huge gulp of coffee, clearing his throat. "For those first months you were out on the street, knowing absolutely fuck-all, he kept you safe and he kept you alive. And he taught you how to be a cop."

"Why you so determined to stick up for him, Sammy?"

Sammy's reply was slow in coming. "Because I wish I'd stuck up for Nate more. I never let him fly solo or nothing like that, but I coulda done more to be there for him when he needed me. I don't want you to look back in ten years and have this feeling that I get every time someone says Nate's name."

Ben shifted uneasily. He had told Sammy a lot about his partnership with Cooper, how it had eventually ended broken beyond repair, but he'd never told him about Cooper's addiction. He never would. That would be forever between him and his ex-partner.

"I don't know, man," he said quietly. "It's hard. I didn't think I'd ever forgive him."

"Course it's hard. But you gotta do it, Shermie. Trust me on this one; you'll regret it if you don't."

Sammy lapsed into silence then, clearly lost to thoughts of his murdered partner. And Sherman took the opportunity to consider what really mattered to him.


	5. Chapter 5

**PART 5**

He poured a measure of Scotch and settled on the couch, channel surfed until he settled on a USC game. Tried to find a comfortable position, failed. Stared at Jess's bottle of ibuprofen sitting on the table in front of him. Knocked the bottle to the carpet with a swipe of his bare foot.

A long sigh escaped him and he was mortified to realise a sob was rising in his chest. He punched the sofa, smacked the cushions over and over until he felt like he'd regained some semblance of control again.

The shrill tone of the doorbell made him jump and he gritted his teeth hard to prevent a reaction. He considered ignoring it but he knew being alone was not a good thing that night. Slowly easing himself upright, he went to open the door.

"Hey." Somehow, he wasn't surprised to find Ben Sherman on his doorstep.

Sherman held up two six-packs of Mexican beer. "Happy birthday."

Cooper couldn't help but grin. "It's not my birthday, asshole."

"I know, but I figured the only time you'd let me come around here would be to celebrate your birthday. So just go with it."

"They sure raise you crazy up there in the Hills." Cooper shook his head in amusement. "What you doin' here, Boot?"

"I heard what happened with Jess today. Figured you might wanna talk about it."

"I got friends outside of the job, y'know."

"So do I. But they don't get it." Sherman met his gaze. "Only cops understand; everyone else only pretends to. I didn't want to leave you in the grey by yourself."

Cooper bit back a smile. "We don't live in black and white. Looks like I did teach you something after all."

Sherman shook the six packs. "Thought you might welcome beer more than me."

"Since you brought the beer, I'll let you in as well."

He was amused to see Sherman remove his sneakers before taking the beer through the kitchen. He began shoving bottles into the refrigerator.

"How you feeling?" he asked.

Cooper shrugged. "I dunno. Like shit. Let down by my partner."

"I think Jess was trying to help you out, y'know."

"She didn't go about it too well." Cooper found the bottle opener and led the way back through the living room. "And from what I heard, you blasted her pretty good about it."

"How'd you know about that?"

"Sammy told Eddie; Eddie called to tell me 'my boot' had torn a strip off my partner. You didn't have to get into for me, you know."

"I thought it needed to be said." Sherman shifted uncomfortably, as if expecting a strip was about to torn off him. "When it comes down to it, you just don't do stuff like that."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Cooper said lightly to reassure him there were not going to be consequences. "Maybe Jess'll figure that out one day."

"She does cares about you, Coop."

"You care about someone, you don't rat on them. You stand by them." Cooper cleared his throat awkwardly. "Like you did."

"I guess she thought she was doing the right thing." Ben cracked open one beer and tossed another to Cooper, a quick glance letting him know he had acknowledged the comment. "Can I sit down?"

"I wasn't expecting you to drink standing up. Even tough guys have some manners y'know."

Sherman settled himself comfortably on the couch, looked as if he was about to prop his feet up on the table, then changed his mind. Cooper leant against the couch arm at the other end, trying to look as if he wasn't fighting a losing battle with pain.

"Coop, you don't have to hide it. I know it hurts. Just siddown, for fuck's sake."

Cooper considered losing his temper but his heart wasn't in it; the kid wasn't a rookie anymore and he had taken the time to drive all the way over here. And right now Cooper was in no position to pass up an act of friendship like this one, not the way he was feeling.

He lowered himself slowly onto the couch, taking a long pull on the beer to prevent himself from biting through his lower lip.

He saw Sherman's eyes were on the carpet and realised he hadn't been looking away out of sensitivity. He had spotted the pill bottle.

"It's just ibuprofen," Cooper said. "Jess gave it to me. Check it if you want."

"Why would I do that?" Ben placed the bottle on the table and sat back. "You're not a junkie, Coop."

"I was."

"Exactly. Past tense. I'm not gonna start treating you like you're still an addict."

Cooper felt an unexpected surge of gratitude towards the younger man and hid it by swallowing half his beer.

"You're gonna be worried about it 'til you get it checked out." Sherman actually sounded sensible for once. "You might as well just get it over with. Like you said, if it's just muscular you'll be fine in a few days."

"I know."

"Must be kinda scary."

"I don't get scared, Boot."

"Everyone gets scared. Even the toughest cop in the division."

Cooper downed the remaining half of the beer, closed his eyes at the surge of pain that hit him.

"John."

"Yeah?" he said between gritted teeth, hearing the catch in Sherman's voice.

"That day, when I slammed you up against the dumpster..."

"I'd let you down, Ben," Cooper interrupted. "You coulda gotten killed 'cos of me. You did what needed to be done."

"I never apologised."

"There was nothing to apologise for. It shoulda been me sayin' sorry." Cooper opened another beer, took a long draught. "I still think about it. It still makes me wanna punch myself in the face."

He saw the corners of Sherman's lips jerk in a half-smile.

"You were a good partner, kid. A lotta others woulda ratted me out. You stood by me."

"I threatened you."

"Like I said, you did what needed to be done. And I was grateful. I just couldn't tell you."

Ben stared into the neck of his bottle. "I didn't know what to do," he said quietly. "I'd heard about cops like you in the academy; the guys everyone looked up to, who took no shit from anyone, who weren't afraid of anything. That first day, I knew I wanted to be a cop like you. After I shot that banger, after you talked to me, I admired you so goddamn much. 'Cos when you talked you had this look in your eyes, like you could never love anything as much as you loved this job. And it made me believe someday I'd feel like that."

Cooper didn't know what to say, so he remained silent. These things had never been said between them before and it was clear that this was the moment Ben needed, needed to say what he had kept within for so long.

"I thought you were invincible." Sherman's voice dropped even lower. "I didn't even mind that you were calling me a pussy. When was I sitting on those steps, it felt like you were the only person who could keep everyone safe."

"I never asked you to put me on a pedestal, Ben," Cooper felt impelled to say. "Hell, I ripped you to pieces most days. People thought you were Canadian for weeks 'cos of me."

Sherman couldn't stop a laugh. "They got so confused when I tried to explain. That was my introduction to the John Cooper Academy." His disarming grin crossed his face, making him look like that young kid on his first day once again. "Why run when you can drive. I'll never forget that lesson."

"You'll never forget to keep hold of your suspect either," Cooper grinned. "You gotta be a prick to rookies, that's the rule."

"And you always follow rules."

Cooper shook his head in amusement. "Tell you something, I was always surprised you didn't go crazy at me more often than you did."

"Coop, you seen the size of yourself? You coulda killed me with one hand."

Cooper laughed with him. "Just so you know, I was no harder on you than I was on any other rookie. And it made me damn proud when you finally had the balls to stand up for yourself."

"And I actually thought you were goin' easy on me," Ben grinned.

A moment's silence fell. Both focused on their beers, neither noticing they had relaxed back against the couch, both pairs of feet propped up on the table.

"I'm sorry I let you down, Boot," Cooper eventually said.

"John…"

"I'm sorry I was a fucking asshole and I'm sorry I was too caught up in my own issues to help you out."

Sherman shook his head. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"We both know it does."

"The past is the past. I've seen how you are since you came back. You're the guy everyone wants to be like again." Ben downed another mouthful. "You're the cop I looked up to in the first place."

Cooper gave a crooked smile. "Bro, you ain't never gonna have a choice but to look up to me."

Sherman took the height wisecrack with his usual good-natured grace. "I told you that you weren't alone, Coop. I meant it, even if I wasn't gonna give you a hug. So I figured I should come over tonight, to prove it."

"And to lay some ghosts to rest?"

Ben nodded slowly. "That as well. Sammy talked to me today. About Nate. Guess it made me realise a few things."

There was another moment of silence before Cooper raised his head to look at the younger man.

"Hey, Boot." He held Sherman's steady gaze. "Thanks."

Sherman raised his bottle in acknowledgement. "Look sharp, act sharp, be sharp. When I make it to P3, that's the first thing I'm gonna yell at every rookie I get."

Cooper tapped his own bottle neck against it. "That's copyrighted but I might let you borrow it. As long as you make your first boot cry on their first day."

"Deal."

They drank in easy silence for a few minutes, occasionally murmuring approval at a yardage gain.

"You play football in high school?"

Sherman shook his head. "Was never big enough. Lettered in track. You?"

"I was totally convinced I was a NFL cert," Cooper laughed. "Then they told me I had to go to college before I could even think about the pros. So I told 'em to stick it and joined the academy. Never regretted it for a moment."

"'Cos you were the only one who thought you were bound for the NFL, right?"

"Right." Cooper rolled his eyes. "We all gotta have delusions at some point. I had 'em young."

"And I started havin' 'em the day I went out on the streets with a hard-ass TO who wanted to make my life hell."

"Hadda make sure you had the balls to deal with the warzone. Hell, after I saw how long it took you to fix your damn hair, I was pretty sure I could make you howl for your mama in the first week."

"And instead I just punched a lotta stuff," Sherman grinned.

"You gotta wild temper, kid, but at least you let me understand why. I couldn't ride your ass about it too much after that."

"Yeah, right! You used to love baiting me about it."

"That's just 'cos you were so damn easy. Soon as I got bored, best game was to yank your chain and watch you kick off."

"You got bored a lot, right?"

"You were the one who could be totally silent for over an hour."

"I got tired of you talkin' shit in my ear."

"Useful shit," Cooper corrected with a smile that said he wasn't taking offence.

The next two beers were opened. A quarter was watched, another two bottles cracked. The two men, so very different but at the same time more alike than they may ever acknowledge, lounged side-by-side on the couch as if they had done so a hundred times before.

"Was it hard to come back, Coop?" Ben eventually asked.

"Hell yeah. That first day, I didn't even wanna get outta my car. Thought everyone would be talking about me."

"No one knew about the pills, though."

"No." Cooper gave a crooked smile. "You didn't let anyone else find out."

"It wasn't their business."

"I was grateful you never told anyone."

"I'd never have done that." Sherman shook his head. "But eight months, that's a long time to be away."

"I went to stay with my brother in New England. Tiny little town in the mountains. I loved it. I had to get outta LA for a while, get my head together. It helped me figure out what the hell I was doing."

"Did you think about not coming back?"

"LA's home, I was always coming back to the city. The job, though? I don't know." Cooper shook his empty bottle and reached for another. "Being a cop has been my whole life; it's who I am. I couldn't imagine doing anything else. But after the surgery, after rehab, after the physical therapy, I really didn't know if I could do the job anymore."

"So you wanted to quit?"

Cooper shook his head. "Not for a minute. I just wanted to be a good cop again. Gave me some motivation to spend every fuckin' day in the gym. I wanted to be the guy everyone used to look up to."

"You've achieved that, man."

Cooper acknowledged the comment with a tilt of his bottle neck. Let the conversation lull. The final quarter was played out; both gave their expert opinions on USC's performance. Cooper threw a bottle top at the screen when the commentator disagreed with them.

Sherman stretched, adding another empty bottle to the table. "Man, I'm starving. You hungry?"

Cooper realised, to his surprise, that he was. Pain usually made the thought of food sicken him but for some reason, not tonight. "Yeah, kinda."

"Wanna order pizza?"

Cooper snorted. "What are we, fifteen? I can cook better than any takeout."

"You can cook?" Sherman looked suitably surprised.

"Course I can cook, numbnuts. You think I survive on cups of noodles and Subway like you do?"

Ben rearranged his expression to impressed. Which, considering his alcohol intake, was not entirely convincing. "Chopping vegetables for half an hour ain't gonna be comfortable for you," he warned.

"You just wanna eat junk food."

"So we're gonna order pizza?"

He looked like a puppy begging for a treat. Cooper shook his head in defeat. "Fine, order pizza. Nothing with pineapple; fruit don't belong on takeout food."

Sherman was already fiddling with his ridiculously-complicated cell phone. "You can order online now," he announced.

"Should I applaud or somethin'?"

"Don't break the habit of a lifetime."

"Hey, I appreciate plenty of things."

"Like what?"

Cooper considered a moment. "Lightning storms?" was the only thing he could come up with at short notice and after five beers.

Sherman, for his own safety, didn't make a reply to that. Finished playing with his cell phone, hopefully had managed to actually order a pizza instead of buy a small Caribbean island. Hard to be sure.

X X X

By the early hours, supersize pizza box long empty, twelve beers drained, half a bottle of Armenian cognac consumed, the two men were at that stage between drunken dozing and full sleep. There had been no battle for space on the couch; Sherman had curled up at one end to allow Cooper to stretch out at the other. Neither had noticed.

Sherman didn't know what the noise that stirred him was, until he looked over at Cooper and realised, even in sleep, the bigger man hadn't escaped his pain.

"Coop," he said quietly, reaching over to carefully shake Cooper's arm. "Wake up, man."

Cooper shook him off, burrowed down deeper into the couch, not ready to give up on sleep. "No more fuckin' pizza," he mumbled.

"John, you gotta go to bed."

"I'm asleep."

"You're not gonna be able to move tomorrow if you sleep here." Sherman grasped his shoulder more insistently. "Coop, c'mon. Get up."

Cooper's eyes finally opened. "You're a pain in the ass, Boot. I just got comfortable."

"You wouldn't be comfortable tomorrow, trust me." Sherman uncurled himself and stood up, not entirely steady on his feet as he stretched. His mouth tasted of stale beer and smooth cognac. And meat-feast pizza.

He saw Cooper's jaw clench, a grimace cross his face. "You okay?" he asked.

Cooper didn't reply but Sherman heard the low growl of pain that had been so uncomfortably familiar to him a year ago. He hesitated a moment before offering Cooper his hand. Cooper hesitated even longer before grasping it. Ben pulled him slowly to his feet, feeling that the big man was letting him take most of his weight.

When Cooper finally stood upright and pulled away, he did so gently, no angry reaction to hide behind.

"You need anything?" he asked.

"I'm good," Ben said.

Cooper looked at him, didn't even bother to ask if he wanted to stay over. "Spare blankets and pillows in the closet next to the bathroom," he said.

Sherman nodded. Didn't even bother to talk about calling a cab.


	6. Chapter 6

**PART 6**

The alcohol had been enough to knock Cooper out for the remainder of the night but the pain woke him early. He hadn't closed the curtains and as he shifted restlessly on the mattress, trying to find a comfortable position, his eyes were drawn to the sun rising over the hills. He felt his muscles relax a little as he watched the view, thinking back to the evening before and the loyalty Ben Sherman had shown to him.

John Cooper didn't think he'd ever be able to say how much he'd appreciated Sherman's company that night.

Eventually the discomfort grew so great he couldn't lie there any longer. It took a huge effort to stand and he had to hold his breath to stop the groan escaping from his throat. He clenched his fists, fighting his body's reactions until he could exhale.

It seemed to take him forever to walk to the bathroom. The stark light made the dark circles and creases around his eyes look even worse. He stood in front of the mirror, clad only in black boxers. Looked at himself for a long moment. Closed his eyes and let out a long sigh.

He leant over the sink, the weight of his body on his arms making his triceps bulge. He'd gotten so damn fit since the surgery. He was back in his prime, his body hard and strong and capable once again. He loved a good brawl, relished the physicality of a hard arrest. Could take on anyone and probably win. He couldn't go back to how he had once been, when for all his size and muscle he couldn't run a block.

Dropping his head, he blew out a long, shaky breath. Turned the faucet on full blast and threw cupped handfuls of ice-cold water over his face. Finally glanced back up at the mirror and saw the haunted look in his eyes, the one he had hoped he would never see again.

He'd thought he was free from all this. He'd been so happy at being granted a second chance at life. He'd felt like the old Cooper again. And right now, deep inside, he was terrified he was about to lose it all again.

After another moment of staring into the mirror, he couldn't look at himself any longer. He slowly straightened up, limped back to his bedroom. The ibuprofen sat on the nightstand but he ignored it. He knew the mild pills could do him no harm but he still didn't like taking them. Didn't like the memories the action brought with it.

He could have called his sponsor, except he hadn't talked to him in months. He'd never been one for sponsors and meetings and all that bullshit. He'd gone with it for a while, more to keep the peace than anything else. Because the guy was a cop and it had seemed better to stick with one of his own, but as soon as he'd been able, he'd cut loose. He'd never needed other people to keep him on the right track; he was steadfast in his beliefs and when he was sure about something, he would not waver. This was no different, no matter how hard it was.

Picking up the bottle, he tossed it into the trashcan. Threw on a black tee before heading downstairs.

Sherman was dead to the world, sprawled across the couch on his stomach, bare legs sticking out from under the blankets that were threatening to fall to the floor. His jeans had been dropped in a crumpled heap beside him, presumably after an uncoordinated struggle to take them off. Cooper regarded him for a moment, seeing how young and innocent he looked in sleep. Not that he looked particularly old or tough awake.

The collection of empty bottles on the table before him explained why he was so deeply asleep. Cooper was not a man for hangovers and the drinking session yesterday had not come anywhere close to his limit but it had certainly got to the kid.

Unable to help a smile, Cooper reached to lay the blankets back over his ex-partner before heading into the kitchen. Set the coffee machine going, switched on the stove. He knew Ben Sherman well; with a hangover, he craved food like most others craved Gatorade and sugar. And was always in a hell of a mood until he was full.

The least Cooper could do after yesterday was provide breakfast.

X X X

The smell of good coffee lured Sherman from his slumber. With a hangover raging, he couldn't identify the smell of food drifting from the kitchen but whatever it was, it smelled damn good. Better than that fucking pizza they'd waited an hour for.

It took a moment for him to get his bearings and right himself on the couch he had passed out on. He'd slept surprisingly well; it was peaceful out here and he liked the feel of this comfortable house. His own condo looked cool but it was soulless, even clinical. This place had a vibe about it, like you could relax here.

Strange, considering it was a place Sherman had previously always been too intimidated to visit much.

He rubbed his hand across his eyes, checked the time on his wristwatch. Considered going back to sleep but was too hungry to ignore the growling in his stomach.

"Coop?" he mumbled, clearing his throat.

"You alive, Sleeping Beauty?" came back Cooper's caustic response.

"Just about."

"Coffee's on, move your ass."

That last bit wasn't an attractive prospect; he was warm and comfortable on the deep couch and he really didn't want to move.

"You sleep okay?" he asked to buy himself another couple of minutes under the blankets.

"Not as good as you." Cooper's voice sounded like he was smiling despite the biting comment.

"Knew starting on that cognac was a bad idea."

"I gotta teach you how to hold your drink, Boot. And I'm finishing this coffee if you don't get off that couch."

That got Ben moving. Didn't bother to pull on his jeans before he wandered through to the kitchen, but he saw Cooper was wearing only a t-shirt over his own boxers, so decided he wasn't committing a guest faux pas.

"How you feeling?" he asked as he poured coffee into a cup the approximate size of a Jacuzzi. Cooper had always liked his coffee as big as they came.

"Damn sore," Cooper said quietly, not turning around from the stove. Sherman couldn't help but grin at the incongruity of the scene before him; the big, tough cop cooking with casual grace that only came from regular experience. Somehow he had never imagined Cooper as domestically capable.

Sherman sat down at the table, doctored the coffee with cream and sugar until it was sweet enough to pass for a dessert. Saw Cooper grimace at the concoction and gulp his own straight black brew before grabbing a couple of plates.

"Here." He crossed to set one down in front of Sherman.

Ben's stomach growled at the sight of the huge serving of Eggs Florentine and he had to stop himself from diving straight in.

"You know how to make hollandaise sauce?" He was impressed. "You weren't kidding about being a good cook, man."

"I remember how damn bitchy you get when you're hungover and ain't had breakfast. Figured I'd better feed you."

"I wasn't bitchy."

"Sure you were. Every time you came on watch with a hangover, you refused to talk til we'd stopped at that damn waffle stand off the Boulevard." Cooper set a plate of toast in the middle of the table and sat stiffly opposite the younger man.

Ben grinned. "That was 'cos I knew you wouldn't stop if I gave you someone to talk to."

Cooper flashed a grin in return, forked a heap of wilted spinach into his mouth. Sherman dug enthusiastically into the poached eggs.

"Man, these are good," he mumbled through a full mouth. "You got talent, Coop."

"That's what I was always tryin' to tell you," Cooper drawled. He was eating slowly, as if he didn't really want the food but knew he needed it.

Sherman saw his left hand move to hold his lower back. "You're gonna go get it checked out today, right?"

Cooper shrugged, didn't make eye contact. Ben chewed another bite, slugged coffee as he debated what he was about to say.

"I thought I might come with you," he finally said, trying his best to make it sound like no big deal.

Cooper's eyes shot to his but he didn't speak straight away. "You gotta go to work," he eventually said.

Sherman waved his cell phone. "I'm sick. Musta ordered from a bad pizza joint."

Cooper's lips twitched in a half-smile.

"C'mon, Coop. You hate sitting around with no one to talk to. I'm already here; I might as well come along."

"Ain't gonna be much fun for you."

Sherman shrugged. "Call it a thank you for breakfast?" he offered.

That time Cooper couldn't help but smile.

X X X

Cooper insisted on driving and after a couple of minutes in the Challenger, Ben didn't regret the ride. His beloved Audi was sleek and elegant and he loved it, but it felt like nothing compared to the raw, masculine power of the muscle car. Cooper handled it with graceful sureness, not bothering to make conversation over the throbbing engine. Sherman felt the force of its low growl beneath him and finally got why guys were so damn obsessed with cars like this.

"Now you want one, right?" Cooper glanced across at him.

"On a P2 salary?" Sherman grinned. "I don't think so."

"Whatever, Richie Rich. Just ask mommy to buy you one."

"She said I gotta buy my own cars now."

"Shame for ya. Gonna have to start spending the trust fund."

"Trust fund went away with Daddy," Sherman said drily.

There was a moment of silence. "Fathers are fuckin' assholes, huh?" Cooper said eventually. "After you punched yours out at your mom's house, I was damn tempted to land one on him myself."

Sherman looked out the window so Cooper wouldn't see him smile. He couldn't let him see that it meant something to Ben, knowing his partner had been so willing to defend him. He remembered another occasion when Dewey had been ordering him around and Ben had been about to lose his temper when Cooper stepped in and bodily shoved Dewey away.

"Hey, he's my boot. I order him around, not you.

Cooper had, in his own way, been as loyal to Ben as Ben had been to him. He just hadn't shown it. Sherman, as usual, had worn his heart on his sleeve. He still did. He still showed the same boundless loyalty, just as he had back in those dark days when he'd watched his partner slowly fall apart. Even when the anger had raged through him, he'd never wavered. He'd stood by Cooper, because that's what partners did. It was the one thing he had always believed in, from the first day at the academy.

But he was now coming to understand that Cooper had also stood by him. He'd never forgotten what Cooper had written in his day book after that first shooting. The intense surge of pride that had coursed through him from knowing a cop was good as John Cooper thought he was worth something. And the relief of being assured he hadn't fucked it up.

"Thanks, Coop," he said quietly after a long silence.

"For what?"

Sherman shrugged. "Stickin' up for me."

Cooper kept his eyes on the road. "What partners are for, right?"

X X X

Sitting in the waiting room, Cooper was aware he kept glancing at the door, as if he was checking out an escape route. Truth was, he would have given just about anything to walk out of there right then. In his racing mind, he figured if he didn't know what the problem was, he could keep telling himself it would be okay in a few days.

Sherman, slouching beside him munching an energy bar, seemed to be trying to act as chilled out as possible. Presumably thought this would take the edge off Cooper's palpable anxiety.

"Want some?" he proffered the energy bar.

"I'm not eatin' that shit." Cooper shook his head. He felt sick; his guts twisting into nauseating knots.

"There's no point worrying until you gotta," Ben advised wisely through another mouthful. "Gettin' tensed up's only gonna give you more pain."

"It's kinda tough to relax right now, Boot."

"Shoulda brought beer." Sherman flashed a smile. "You're way more chilled when you got a beer in your hand."

"Yeah, they'd have loved that in here."

"I coulda distracted the receptionist; she was totally checking me out." Sherman was determined to keep the conversation light.

Cooper lapsed into silence; he appreciated the younger man's efforts to keep him from going crazy but he couldn't calm his brain sufficiently to join in. He cracked his knuckles, exhaled a long, not entirely steady breath.

"Coop, it's alright," Ben said quietly.

"Is it?"

"Don't think the worst, man. It's not helping anything."

"I coulda ended up in a wheelchair last time. And I tell you something, I still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, shit scared that it's gonna happen."

"It's not gonna happen, John. Not today, not tomorrow. It's gonna be okay."

"What if they tell me I need more surgery? The city's gonna stick me behind a desk and leave me to rot. I can't do that, Ben. I need to be on the streets. If I can't do that anymore I might as well eat my gun now."

"Jesus, Cooper, will you listen to yourself? You haven't even had the exam yet and you're talking about tasting lead?"

Cooper opened his mouth but found he didn't know what to say. He realised he was raking his fingers through his hair, tugging agitatedly at the short strands.

"You said it," Sherman said calmly, "it's not the same as last time; it feels different. You just need someone with a medical degree to confirm it and you'll be good to go next week."

Cooper wished he had Sherman's confidence in him.

X X X

"John Cooper."

Sherman had given up listening to the names being called long ago and nearly jumped out of his skin when Cooper beside him reacted as if he'd been tasered. Automatically Ben reached out and grabbed Cooper's forearm, almost expecting him to make a run for it.

Cooper looked at him, nodded to tell him it was safe to release him. Ben let go and watched the older man slowly stand, take a long look at the door where the female doctor stood waiting for him.

"You want me to wait out here?" he asked.

Cooper turned and Sherman saw fear blazing in his eyes. His hands were balled tightly into fists, but even that couldn't disguise the fact he was shaking. Ben stood up quietly. There was no need to say anything. He followed behind into the exam room.

If the doctor was surprised by the presence of two muscle-bound cops in her office, she showed no reaction.

"Tell me what happened."

Cooper's explanation was short, spoken through gritted teeth. He couldn't make eye contact with the woman, nodded or shook his head in response to her questions. Surprisingly, she seemed to understand what this meant to him and didn't drag out the initial process.

"Take your shirt off and lie on your front." She pointed him to the examining couch. "You want your friend to stay?"

Again, Cooper glanced at Sherman.

"I'll stay," Ben told her.

She was already distracted by the tension radiating from Cooper as he eased himself prone onto the couch. The ropes of muscle stood out starkly along his forearms as he rested his head on them, fists still clenched hard.

"The physical exam will probably tell us what's going on," she said quietly, as if trying to reassure him, "but an MRI will give the evidence."

"MRI gonna be today?" Cooper ground out.

"Sure. Soon as the scanner's free."

"OK. Do it."

Ben watched warily, well aware Cooper was on the edge. The pain and the fear he was trying so hard to hide wasn't far from proving too much for him to deal with. He was gritting his teeth so hard Sherman could hear them grinding together. His grip on the couch was tight enough to tear the fabric but he still looked like he was going to bolt any second. Instinctively, Ben stepped closer, moving to stand in front of his head. He took a hold of the broad shoulders, preventing Cooper from rising up.

For a second, Cooper's head lifted and his eyes met Sherman's. If Ben had expected hostility, there was none.

He jumped when the doctor's hands first made contact but he held onto himself, breathing hard. Then the woman touched a spot low on his back and he almost exploded off the couch. Sherman gripped hard, trying to keep him in place as he writhed in agony. The solid muscle strained under his hands as if they were powerful enough to burst free and Ben struggled to hold him down. Saying anything would be pointless; Cooper was in a world where he could not be reached, and the best thing Ben could do was try to hold him still.

Finally, Cooper managed to regain control of himself. His head slumped against the cool vinyl of the couch and Sherman felt the muscles loosen even though he was trembling violently.

"It's okay, Coop," he whispered. "I got you."

X X X

Lounging around in the waiting area while Cooper got the MRI scan, Ben grew bored with his phone and the stubborn refusal of all his contacts list to text him. He got coffee, ate a candy bar, counted how many paces it took to cross the room. Counted a few ceiling tiles as well before he realised what he was doing.

Slumping in an uncomfortable chair, he stretched his legs out and leant his head back. Considered the way life always seemed to come full circle. At the start of the week, he hadn't been able to look his ex-partner in the eye. Now he was witnessing Cooper's vulnerability in a way he had never been allowed to before. And he was surprised at the empathy he felt for the older man, especially after what had passed between them.

Last night, it had taken a lot for him to swallow his pride and drive to Cooper's house. But extending the hand of friendship had not been as hard as he had expected; Cooper had made it surprisingly easy for him, as if it was something he had been wanting to accept. Guilt, maybe. Regret, definitely.

Back before he had reached the final stages of his training, he had thought of Cooper as a friend. They had spent hours every day in each other's company; becoming companionable had been unavoidable and they had grown comfortable with each other. They'd gone for a beer together after work, talked about what was going on in their lives. Then the pills and the pain had taken their relentless grip and John Cooper had been lost. And Ben had been forced to sacrifice friendship in order to be what a good partner ultimately must be: a lifesaver.

Not so long ago, he'd thought the ghosts of that time would never be laid to rest. That he'd never again trust his former partner or feel a kinship between them. Yesterday, the demons had finally been exorcised and Sherman had a feeling he wasn't the only one who felt lightened by it.

For the first time ever, Ben had felt like John Cooper's equal.

"Boot, you countin' the ceiling tiles?" Cooper's strident voice interrupted his thoughts.

Sherman shot upright. "No," he said quickly, jumping to his feet. "You look happier. Did the doctor talk to you already?"

Cooper couldn't keep the grin from his face. The tension had gone from his jaw, his eyes were once again bright. In a mere hour, he looked years younger than he had last night.

"Grade 2 muscle tear," he announced. "I can be back at work in seven days. No long-term damage, nothin' to worry about at all."

Ben didn't think about his reaction; he instinctively hugged his ex-partner. There was no hesitation before Cooper's solid arms grabbed hold and hugged him back. It was only a moment and it was born of relief rather than emotion, but it meant something that neither of them reacted to it.

Sherman broke into a wide grin at the other man's delight. "Told you, huh? I'm happy for ya, man."

Cooper slapped the palm Sherman held out. "Still hurts like fuck, though."

"Worth the pain, hombre. You got seven days to chill out and drink beer while the rest of us idiots are out there poundin' the streets. Let's get the fuck outta here."

"You want a ride back to get your car?" Cooper asked as they left the hospital, the strut firmly back in their steps.

"What I really want is some tacos. I'm dying here."

"What is it with you and Mexican food?"

Sherman shrugged. "Raised by a Latina housekeeper. I ate what she ate."

"Off of a silver spoon, no doubt."

"Tacos?" Ben wouldn't be distracted from his food mission.

"What better way to celebrate freedom than with carne asada? Let's go." Cooper paused a second, then casually tossed Sherman his keys. "Here. See how it feels driving a real man's car."

Sherman knew his face had lit up in delight and, despite feeling like a kid at Christmas, he tried to play it down. Cooper would usually rather eat his own pepper spray than let someone near his precious wheels.

"Figure it's a little rough and ready for my taste," he grinned, almost jogging to the driver's door in his eagerness.

"Ben."

Sherman stopped, turned around.

"I couldn't have gone there alone." Cooper shifted awkwardly. "Thank you for sticking with me."

Ben shrugged. "What friends are for, right?"


	7. Chapter 7

**PART 7**

When Cooper's cell rang, he was not surprised to see Jessica's name flashing on the screen. She hadn't called him since her little chat with the sergeant and he imagined she would be hoping he wouldn't answer now. Scared of what he would say to her.

He pressed the cancel icon and shoved the phone back in his pocket.

"Jess?" Ben asked, mouth full of carne pollo.

"Yeah."

"Sammy texted me, said she'd been asking where I was today."

"Did he tell her?"

"Nah, Sammy knows when to keep his mouth shut. Said I was sick."

"She's not stupid, y'know."

"Maybe not but without information, she can be as smart as she wants and still know nothing." Sherman was clearly still smarting somewhat from his previous encounter with Tang.

Cooper's phone rang again but this time he didn't answer, let it go to voicemail. "She'll have figured you're with me. Too convenient for us both to go AWOL at the same time."

"So what? I don't have a problem with her knowing."

"You tryin' to prove something to her, Boot?"

Ben shrugged, took another bite of his monstrous taco. "Just saying, I did what she shoulda done."

"And I appreciate it."

"I didn't ask you to appreciate it." Sherman met Cooper's gaze. "I didn't come with you to fix everything that went wrong between us, Coop. I'm glad that we got everything cleared up but it wasn't my reason. I came with you 'cos no one should go through shit like that alone and when you were my partner, I let you do that. I didn't want to do it again."

Cooper remained quiet, letting the younger man talk.

"I dropped you at the hospital and I took off. 'Cos I was angry. I shouldn't have done that." Ben dropped his eyes. "I get it now. Jess fucking up just made it clearer."

Cooper bit a fry in half, studied the remainder reflectively. "It's hard being a cop," he said quietly, "'cos you get a partner who you spend more time with than you do with your family and friends. And you come to think of them as family. We all do. And when they let you down, it feels like you've been betrayed."

Ben stayed silent, but his expression said he wasn't sure if Cooper was talking about Tang or their own partnership.

"Sometimes it's harder to have a partner than it is to work alone."

Sherman thought about for a moment, then shook his head. "No. A cop's nothing without his partner. Everyone needs someone to watch out for them out there."

A smile crept cross Cooper's lips at that statement, a smile he didn't think he'd ever allowed Sherman to fully witness before.

He was proud of the kid.

X X X

Back home that evening, relaxed despite the stabs of pain whenever he moved, Cooper checked his messages. Four missed calls from Tang but no voicemails. Just a single text.

'Call me.'

He deleted it. Another text bleeped a moment later. Sammy Bryant.

'Bro don't think u stealin my partner.' Smiley face. Christ, you could tell he ran with the Hills crowd these days.

Cooper grinned, replied: 'He's all yours.'

Sammy again: 'Talk to Tang, she goin crazy.'

Cooper typed back: 'Give a fuck.'

There wasn't much Sammy could say in response to that. Cooper slid the phone back into his jeans, got up to pour more coffee. He didn't want to drink again after the last couple of nights' sessions, even though he knew he would sleep badly without beer to take the edge off the pain.

John Cooper liked a drink but he was damned if he was going to replace pills with alcohol.

When the phone rang again five minutes later, he considered hurling it out into the garden. It was only saved by the fact it was a new iPhone and it had taken him weeks to finally learn how to use it.

"Cooper." He gave up and answered. Otherwise he wouldn't get a minute's peace all night. He could always be obnoxious enough to get hung up on.

"John, how are you?" Jessica asked.

"I'm good." Calm, non-committal. He had to remember he wasn't a young hothead like Sherman.

"Did you go to the hospital?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"It's fine."

A sigh of frustration from Tang's end. "That's all you're gonna tell me?"

"What else do you need to know? Everything's okay."

"You can come back to work?"

"Next week."

"That's great." She sounded more than a little relieved. "I'm really happy for you, John."

"Uh huh."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No, Jess, I don't wanna talk about it."

Silence for a moment. "Please, Coop, come meet me."

"I don't think so."

"It won't take long."

"I'm in pain, Jess, I don't feel like going anywhere right now."

"Do you need anything?"

"No, I don't need anything."

"Coop, I'm sorry you thought I'd ratted on you."

"You did rat on me."

"I was trying to help you before things got worse."

"Jess…"

"We need to talk about this. Not on the phone."

Cooper stayed quiet, hoping his silence would be enough to put her off. But being a woman, Tang paid no attention whatsoever.

"I'm off at 7pm tomorrow," she said. "Will you meet me at O'Malley's?"

Cooper wanted to say no but something was preventing him. He cared about Jessica Tang and the reconciliation with Ben had made him realise that sometimes you couldn't let pride and anger rule you.

"I'll be there at eight," he said finally, keeping his voice neutral. "It'll take you at least an hour to get outta the locker room."

He heard the smile in her voice. "See you tomorrow," she said.

Cooper cancelled the call, blew out a long breath. Went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. Decided to drink it lying in a hot bath. Turned the phone off as he slowly headed upstairs.

X X X

Surprisingly, Tang was waiting for him when he arrived at O'Malley's the next evening. Must have set a new personal best for clearing out of the locker room. She'd bought him a beer, was sipping her own nervously. Soon as she saw him, she shot to her feet.

He nodded hello, grabbed his bottle and took a long draw on it. Looked around the bar, raising a hand to a few acquaintances.

"How are you?" she asked.

"I'm good."

"Really?"

He was in pain but he was damned if he was letting her know that. "Really."

She sipped more beer, looked away for a moment. "I know you're mad at me."

"What'd you expect, Jess? Gratitude?"

"I was doing what was best for you."

"And how the hell do you know what's best for me?"

"I knew you weren't going to do anything about it."

"I was dealing with it."

"Is that what you used to say to Ben?"

His temper rose. "Leave Ben outta it."

"So he was with you yesterday."

"So what?" He heard that cutting tone enter his voice. "Did you wanna come hold my hand or somethin'?"

"I would have done if you'd ask me."

"Like that'd happen."

"Coop, even if you think I let you down, I still care about you."

Cooper shook his head. "Ben Sherman's still learning how to be a cop; you've been in this job for years. How come he gets it and you don't?"

"Gets what?"

"That having a partner is about more than feeling safe on the streets. I'm just a bodyguard to you, Jess. Yeah, you like me as a person, I get that. You like talking with me; you like riding with me. But at the end of the day, you chose me as your partner because you knew I'd never let anything bad happen to you."

He saw it in her eyes even though she wasn't going to say it; he was right. That was exactly why she'd picked him. It had nothing to do with being hit on by previous male partners.

"You're a great partner, Coop," she said eventually.

He didn't reply. There was nothing to say.

Her eyes sought his and because he didn't like avoiding eye contact, he looked at her. "I didn't mean to hurt you," she whispered.

Cooper shook his head. "I'm a cop, Jess. I don't know how to be anything else; I don't want to be anything else. You coulda ended it for me."

"I didn't think about it like that; I just wanted you to get some help."

"How could you not have thought about it like you? You know what happened to be last year. Did it not cross your mind that if I got hurt again on the job, that could be it for me?"

"I'm sorry, John."

"Sorry you did it?"

"No. I still think I was right. I'm sorry I didn't consider the consequences for you."

He gave a smile that contained no humour. "You really don't get it, do you?"

He turned away to order another beer, saw the door open and Sammy Bryant spill into the room, happy as ever to draw attention to himself. Behind him came Sherman with Rick and Luis, two P3s Cooper had worked with for years.

Sammy spotted Cooper and leapt on him with an enthusiasm that suggested they had already visited another bar. Rick and Luis immediately crowded in with their own greetings.

"Thought you had flu, man!"

"I'm self-medicating," Cooper grinned.

"Yeah, bro, that's what I'm talkin' about!"

"You the man, Coop!"

Sherman leant quietly alongside him, gave him a friendly shoulder barge by way of hello. Cooper shoved him back, nearly sending him flying into a group of Traffic, and pretended it hadn't hurt like hell.

"What's Tang doing here?" Ben asked quietly.

"Explaining herself, apparently."

Sherman eyed Jessica coolly but she didn't react. Cooper shook his head to warn the younger man off.

"I got it, Boot."

Sammy jumped on Sherman, wrapping his arms around his throat. "Tequila time, baby!" he yelled. "You in, Coop?"

"Nah, I'm outta here in a minute."

"Everything okay, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure."

"You talk to Tang?"

"Kinda."

"We're gonna be at the pool table if you wanna join in, 'kay?"

Cooper nodded his cooperation and Sammy hauled Sherman away, yelling about the possibilities of beer pool. Rick and Luis exchanged palm slaps and hugs with Cooper before joining the P2s.

"Mr Popular, huh?" Jessica reappeared at his elbow.

"I've known those guys a long time."

"And they'd never rat you out, right?"

"It's different with male partners," he said before he could catch himself.

Her eyes hardened. "Meaning?"

"Meaning guys always stick together. Maybe it's high school sports or somethin', I dunno, but they just get the team mentality more than women." He'd started so he decided he might as well say it. "For guys, it's do or die. Women have different interpretations."

"You mean you wouldn't trust a female cop as much as a male?"

"No, that's not what I mean." He shook his head. "Forget it, Jess. I'm outta here."

"What about next week?" she asked quickly.

Cooper shrugged. "What about it? I'll see you then."

"We're still riding together?"

"I'm not gonna throw a hissy fit and demand a new partner, if that's what you mean." He gave her a half-smile. "Just do me a favour, Jess, and don't talk about this next week."

"Do you still trust me?"

"I don't know," he said honestly. "On the streets, yes. I've no reason not to. As for everything else, I'll guess we'll find out in time."

He pulled on his jacket, drained his bottle.

"See ya next week, Jessica."

Heading for the door, he paused to yell farewell to the four at the pool table. Sammy and the P3s howled replies, waved their tequila shots at him. Ben just raised a hand and grinned.

Cooper looked at the young cop he'd helped mould and realised the weight he had carried on his shoulders for so long was gone. And no matter what beef he had with Tang, he felt lighter than he had in a long time.

John Cooper smiled and headed out into the night.

END


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